


garden of glass

by PiousMage



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sadstuck, Spoilers for Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 10:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21135578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiousMage/pseuds/PiousMage
Summary: "Marianne was happy. That was enough."-If Marianne joins the Black Eagles and Byleth sides with Edelgard, Marianne is going where Hilda cannot follow.





	garden of glass

**Author's Note:**

> Back, Its Got A Pool In The (3housesnorugs). "LOOK IN MY GAY FOR EDELGARD RUN MARIANNE CRITTED HILDA AND KILLED HER AND I WILL ///NEVER/// BE OVER IT." 11 Sep 2019, 11:30 PM. Tweet.

Thrust into an unfamiliar place, full of people who were better off not knowing her, not having to share her burden, the first place she visited was the cathedral. There, when she closed her eyes, it was as if she was alone with the Goddess. When she clasped her hands in prayer, it was as if she could speak directly to the Goddess. She never prayed aloud, of course. Her battles were only to be fought within the confines of her own heart.

The other people in the Golden Deer house were kind, but that was just another reason not to let herself get too close to any of them. She couldn’t bear to see their smiles disappear because of the misfortune she brought to all who knew her. It was already risky enough just sharing classes with them. It brought her so much stress, thinking about whether she was worsening these people’s lives simply by existing near them, that her sleep came in fits and starts. She no longer remembered what a “good night’s rest” felt like.

The only positive to life at Garreg Mach Monastery was that she wasn’t sequestered away in some metropolitan area. In fact, Garreg Mach was quite neatly interwoven with the nature whose space it used. Just outside the classrooms for each house was a courtyard with several trees she could sit in the shade of as she listened to the melodies of the birds. On the other side of the campus was a stable, where students were enlisted to help care for the horses. There was a horse named Dorte, and he was Marianne’s first friend at Garreg Mach.

She thought he would be the only friend she made during her time there.

-

“Hey, Marianne!” The greeting came from someone who apparently didn’t know that the cathedral was, like a library, a place meant for inside voices. “You sure spend a lot of time here, huh?”

Her reverie interrupted, Marianne turned around to find Hilda. Though she hadn’t been at the monastery long, Hilda had already tried multiple times to strike up a friendship with her. Marianne simply didn’t have the wherewithal to tell her to stop trying to be friends, but Hilda was the type who saw only what she wanted to see and heard only what she wanted to hear. Marianne’s silence and vacant stares were likely being interpreted as rapt attention.

It seemed Marianne might have to…hold a conversation with Hilda. “Yes,” Marianne confirmed, “that’s true, I suppose.”

Hilda smiled so hard it felt like she was going to peel it off her own face and slap it on Marianne’s. “That’s pretty cool,” she replied, looking around the monastery as if she had never stepped foot inside it before. “I don’t come here as much as I should, probably. I wasn’t raised super religious.”

Once Hilda was through speaking, Marianne’s only response was to stare right through her. She had nothing further to contribute to this conversation. When Hilda lackadaisically put her hands behind her own back and started swaying back and forth, as if she was expecting a response, Marianne decided that she would have to humor her just this once. “I see,” she stated. After a moment, she added, “Is that all, Hilda?”

Faced with the reality that not everyone wanted to hear her talk _ad infinitum_, Hilda felt a bit shocked. “I guess so!” she realized, with a finger to her chin. “Well, I’ll let you be, then. Have fun praying and stuff!” With that, and a wave, she was gone.

Marianne let out a slow, calming breath. The other students had tried to strike up conversations with her every now and then, but no one had been quite as persistent as Hilda. Hilda seemed bright and full of life, even if she was a bit self-centered. For Marianne, Hilda’s radiance was just another reason not to risk darkening it with her own presence. She seemed to be living a good life. Marianne didn’t want to jeopardize that for her.

-

Just as classes were about to begin for the year, the professor assigned to the Golden Deer house fled from a bandit attack and showed no sign of returning any time soon. Although Marianne wasn’t one for gossip, there were times when she couldn’t help but overhear conversations that other students were having. There were only two professors now, and the Church of Seiros was going to have to find a third.

There were rumors that the professors could be reassigned, so the Golden Deer could end up with someone new entirely, or the two professors who were already there: Hanneman and Manuela. When Marianne had arrived at Garreg Mach, one of her first prayers to the Goddess was that Hanneman would not be assigned to teach her house. He was a well-known professor of “Crestology,” which meant that it would be guaranteed that he would take an interest in Marianne. The thought of it was unbearable. Marianne’s prayers to the Goddess now became a desperate plea for him not to be reassigned to the Golden Deer.

The days after the original professor’s disappearance were a whirlwind of rumors and hearsay. At the end of it all, it seemed that a mercenary who had helped dispose of the bandits that had attacked the professor and the three house leaders was going to be named the new third professor. That on its face was surprising enough, but it also seemed that this new professor, Byleth, was even being offered the choice of which house they wanted to teach.

Byleth had done a quick tour of the monastery, talking to the students from the different houses in order to inform their decision. They seemed thorough, as Marianne watched them talk to every student from every house. They seemed young, far younger than Hanneman and Manuela. They also seemed quiet, and most importantly they seemed to understand that Marianne did not enjoy being talked to. They had even offered her what seemed like a knowing nod before moving onto the next student. After that, when Byleth returned to make their decision, Marianne stole away to the cathedral and clasped her hands in prayer yet again.

_Please, Goddess. Let Byleth choose the Golden Deer._

-

The Goddess had other plans. Byleth chose the Black Eagles, the house led by the heir to the Adrestian throne, Edelgard. Worse yet, in the reshuffling that took place after Byleth had made their decision, Hanneman was assigned to the Golden Deer. For an entire school year, Marianne would have to endure question after question about her Crest. She had thus far kept her Crest a secret from the other students, but she figured that the “Father of Crestology” was more perceptive than most. They had yet to exchange words and already Marianne never wanted to speak to him.

Once the school year started, her fears were confirmed. Apparently, Hanneman was so experienced with Crests that he had learned how to determine whether a person had a Crest just by observing them. In yet another cruel twist of the knife, it seemed that her adoptive father, Margrave Edmund, had personally requested that Marianne’s Crest never be confirmed. Although this was a well-intentioned gesture, he should have known that such a thing would only raise suspicion!

Early in the school year, after training had concluded for the day, Marianne learned about all this when Hanneman stopped her for a brief chat. He had already determined that Marianne had a Crest, although thankfully he hadn’t yet figured out which one. Still, this was unconscionable. He wasn’t even being rude about it. A little persistent, maybe, but he wasn’t necessarily being invasive or overbearing. Marianne dreaded the idea of asserting herself, but her first private conversation with Professor Hanneman ended in such a way after he had extended her an offer of helping to “understand” her Crest. Marianne understood all she needed to understand about her Crest.

As the year dragged on, Marianne couldn’t help but daydream about what it would have been like had Byleth chosen the Golden Deer instead of the Black Eagles. As luck would have it, they had another encounter shortly after the school year began, this time in the cathedral. Since the start of classes, Marianne had resigned herself to the same prayers, over and over again. When Byleth approached her and asked what she was praying for, she couldn’t dare tell the truth. They took her hastily-conceived answer at face value and asked if she wanted to chat for a moment.

In her head, several answers swirled around. She wanted to ask why they had chosen the Black Eagles. She wanted to ask to be switched over to that house. She wanted to be honest about how much pain she was in. She wanted to tell them to stay away for their own good. She wanted to say so many things, but when she opened her mouth to speak, only silence came out. The conversation ended in embarrassment as Marianne apologized and stole away, cursing herself for throwing away an opportunity to make a genuine connection to another person.

The same thing happened several times in her interactions with the other students in the Golden Deer. One day, she found a pendant that she figured belonged to the leader of the house, Claude. When she returned it, he of course used the opportunity to ask about Margrave Edmund. She wanted to talk, she truly did, but not about him. The same thing happened with the heir to House Gloucester, Lorenz. She couldn’t feel seen with those two, as it felt like it always came down to nobility with them.

There were fleeting moments when she felt normal. The merchant family’s son, Ignatz, seemed to be able to appreciate silence, and she didn’t feel quite as pressured to speak when they shared chores. Unfortunately, it meant that it would take some time for them to get to know each other. His best friend, Raphael, was the opposite. He was boisterous, but one thing he shared with Ignatz was a very genuine kindness. Marianne was still wary of letting anyone get too close, so she never initiated any conversations.

There were other moments in which she felt as if all of the bad things her brain had ever told her about herself were true. The youngest student in the entire monastery, Lysithea von Ordelia, had blown up at her when Marianne declined to help with an accident at the training grounds. Even though she apologized later, it was her words of hurt and frustration that stuck with her. A similar thing happened with the village girl, Leonie. When Leonie had asked for a traveling companion to the market, Marianne wanted so desperately to say yes. But this time it was Margrave Edmund’s voice in her head saying no, and eventually Leonie’s frustration boiled over and she had stormed off.

And then there were the moments with Hilda.

-

The first time Hilda and Marianne were assigned to the same chore, it was to tidy the library. Keeping spaces tidy wasn’t quite Marianne’s strong suit; she rarely had company in her room and as a result rarely had the motivation or energy to keep her space neatly organized. Hilda, meanwhile, was perfectly capable of tidying a space. She was finally being asked to pull her weight after a couple of weeks of shirking her duties.

Hilda was a young woman who liked the sound of her own voice. The way in which she tended to monopolize conversations suited interactions with the much more reserved Marianne. It was true that Marianne tended to struggle to talk to other people, but that simply wasn’t a necessity with Hilda. At times, it seemed as if Hilda was filling in the blanks on her own, and as a result, Hilda left Marianne to complete the chore under the impression that Marianne had it handled and in fact preferred to go it alone.

Perhaps she would have wanted to go it alone, but it was far easier said than done, and she had a hard-enough time saying it. When she looked at a stack of disorganized books that needed shelving, she saw an insurmountable obstacle where most other people would see a simple task that needed completion. She would stare at it, knowing that they needed to be shelved, knowing that it wouldn’t take long, knowing that it wouldn’t take much effort. She would know that all she had to do was pick the book up and put it away where it belonged. She just couldn’t. There wasn’t a good reason. And the lack of a good reason only made her feel worse. It was a dangerous feedback loop that sent her spiraling into misery any time something needed doing.

Hilda returned to find a dejected Marianne among a pile of books that actually looked less organized than they were when Hilda originally left. Rather than lash out at her, Hilda saw this as an opportunity to be a friend to someone whose time at the monastery hadn’t been very easy. She helped Marianne shelve the books, showing her very carefully and deliberately what the easiest way to do it was, and in just a few minutes the library was free of books haphazardly strewn about the floor.

“I know it can be hard sometimes,” Hilda told Marianne, “but there’s never any shame in asking for help. Got it?”

-

The 995th year of Garreg Mach Monastery quickly proved to be unlike any other. Professor Byleth and the Black Eagles had rescued Flayn, the younger sister of the archbishop’s right-hand man, Seteth. In doing so they also found a student named Monica who had disappeared during the previous school year. An air of unrest and unease was slowly descending upon the school year, and it was during these times that Marianne had a conversation she never expected to have.

“It’s Marianne, right?”

The words came from none other than the heir apparent to the Adrestian Empire, Lady Edelgard von Hresvelg. Marianne was sitting alone, and all of a sudden one of the most powerful people in the entire world had just taken the seat next to her. She didn’t even ask. Marianne could only nod in assurance that Edelgard had gotten her name correct.

“I know we haven’t spoken before, so I hope you don’t think me too forward.”

“N-not at all, Lady Edelgard.”

“Please, just Edelgard is fine. I’d like to ask you a question, Marianne. You don’t have to give me an answer if you don’t want to, but I at the very least would like to propose it to you.”

She was at once formal and disarming. “Of course,” Marianne said with another nod, unsure of what Edelgard’s question could possibly be.

“If you could live in a world without Crests, would you?” Edelgard asked.

Marianne had no idea what to expect, and she certainly didn’t even consider that question to even be a possibility. She knew what her answer was, and it was yes, yes, a resounding yes. But she was so taken aback that she had even been asked that question at all that she was unable to speak.

Edelgard took this as a sign of discomfort and stood. “As I said, I don’t require an answer, Marianne. Give it some thought. Once you have an answer, you’re free to tell me once you feel comfortable.” And just like that, she turned and walked away.

Marianne didn’t have time to process what had just occurred before someone else plopped down in the seat opposite her.

“Holy cow, Marianne!” It was Hilda. “What did little miss emperor have to say to you?”

Over the past couple of months, Hilda’s persistence and patience had sparked a budding friendship between the two, but Marianne didn’t feel comfortable enough quite yet to be fully honest with what had just happened.

“Oh, you know,” Marianne said, “just a question about the Golden Deer. She’s always trying to figure out Claude.”

-

Edelgard’s question sat with Marianne for days, weeks, months. Marianne knew precious little about her, but one thing she did know was that she was nothing if not ambitious. Was a world without Crests the thing Edelgard was fighting for? Was such a thing actually realistic? Could there be a future where Marianne no longer had to deal with her Crest, a thing she never asked for?

She had slowly been opening up to the other members of her house before that question was asked, but after it, she became lost in her own thoughts. The possibility of transferring houses was one that she had given passing thought to before, but now the idea of it was putting her in agony. Not because she didn’t want to do it, but because of how badly she wanted it, and how scared she was of doing it.

During this time, Hilda struck up a conversation with Claude. They both had the same thing on their mind.

“I’m worried about Marianne,” Hilda said. “She’s been quieter than usual the last couple of weeks. Every time I ask her if anything’s wrong, she tells me there isn’t.” She puffed out her cheeks. “She thinks I don’t know her well enough to tell when she’s lying!”

Claude put his hands behind his head and leaned back against the wall. “You’re not the only one, Hilda. I keep getting asked about her.” He grimaced. “I know she’s hiding something, but I don’t know what. Not knowing things scares me.”

Hilda sighed. “I thought I was getting her to open up. I even got her to smile a couple of times! Now she’s receding back into her shell.” She folded her arms. “Do you think it has anything to do with this crazy year we’ve been having?”

“I’d wager that has something to do with it,” Claude agreed, his eyes closed in thought. “Most of the kids I’ve been talking to have been more than a little freaked out by all the shady goings-on that have been…going on.”

Hilda giggled at Claude’s masterful use of language. “You really do have a way with words, don’t you?” Before he could answer, she continued, “I just wish I could take her problems and make them go away. She’s such a kind, thoughtful, amazing person underneath that sad-looking exterior! I want her to be happy!”

“Just…don’t tell her she has a sad-looking exterior. That’s not exactly a compliment.”

Hilda punched Claude in the shoulder.

“Ow!” Claude winced, a little surprised at how strong she was. “That one actually hurt!” Something dawned on him. “You really like her, don’t you?”

Her face went beet red. “Maybe I do! Are you gonna make something of it, leader man?”

He held up his hands. “Hey, your secret crush is safe with me. If anything, I make as good a wingman as I do a leader man.”

“You’re so stupid,” Hilda stated. She paused for a bit. “Thanks.”

“Always. We’ll make sure your girlfriend knows she’s loved.”

Hilda punched Claude in the other shoulder.

“Hilda! I need my arms for battle!”

-

The next week, it was Marianne and Hilda who had a talk while putting things away in the infirmary.

"Hilda, can you keep a secret?” Marianne asked, so quietly that Hilda barely heard it.

“Yeah, of course!” Hilda replied with a wide grin, expecting to finally know something about what had been bringing down her best friend.

Marianne looked to the left and to the right, as if someone might be eavesdropping on their conversation somehow. She adjusted her collar and took a deep breath. “I think I might ask to transfer to the Black Eagles,” she said as she turned away from Hilda. “You’re the first person I’ve told about this, Hilda.”

Hilda’s heart dropped. Were things really so dire for Marianne that she needed to switch houses? To _Edelgard’s_ house? She was lost for words, a feeling new to her. Breathless, all she could say was one word: “Why?”

Marianne looked down, now. “There are a lot of reasons.” She had no idea how much detail she wanted to go into. It was at least true that there were many reasons why she had finally made the decision.

“Marianne, please,” Hilda begged, tears welling up in her eyes, “tell me what’s wrong. We can fix it, you can stay, just don’t leave.”

This was not a reaction Marianne had been expecting. Hilda had always kept her emotions at arm’s length, but here she was, crying at just the thought that Marianne might leave the Golden Deer. “Hilda, we can still see each other. We can still be friends.”

Fanning herself, Hilda pulled out a kerchief and wiped at her eyes. “Marianne, it just feels like this is coming out of nowhere.” She breathed in and exhaled, gathering herself. “Is it that new professor? Is it one of the students? Is it your father?”

“I…do think I would enjoy learning under Professor Byleth more than I do under Professor Hanneman, that much is true.” Marianne felt as if she was going to cry, now. “But there’s far more to it than just that. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.”

Hilda sniffled. “You know, I’ve never seen you so determined to do something,” she said. She looked Marianne in the eyes. “You’ve already made your decision, haven’t you? I can see it in your eyes.”

Marianne nodded.

“Are you happy with it?”

After a moment, Marianne nodded again.

“Then I wouldn’t dare stop you,” Hilda said, smiling weakly. She extended her arms. “Come here. One last hug as housemates.”

Marianne smiled and walked forward into Hilda’s embrace, wrapping her own arms around her, hugging her tightly, realizing just how much she was going to miss being around Hilda every day.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

-

Just a few months later, Edelgard was Emperor, and the Adrestian Empire had declared war on the Church of Seiros. The professor, as well as the rest of the Black Eagles, stood by Edelgard, and they were forced out of the monastery as war loomed. Marianne’s decision to transfer had went from simply switching classes to altering her very allegiances. However, she couldn’t back down. In fact, seeing the lengths that Edelgard was willing to go to for her ideals only solidified her own resolve. It convinced her that even she herself could change the world.

In the ensuing battle at the monastery, Professor Byleth vanished, leaving Marianne and Edelgard despondent but no less determined. Five years later, Byleth returned, and the Black Eagles house reunited in the midst of war. Marianne had been focused on her own affairs in the interim, but when Emperor Edelgard notified the world that Byleth had returned and put out the call to arms, Marianne was back in an instant.

As Edelgard ramped up her campaign into Alliance territory, it quickly became evident that Marianne was going to start seeing familiar faces. Ignatz. Leonie. Claude.

Hilda.

-

“Claude, you have to put me on the front lines.”

His palms pressed down on the map in front of him, Claude looked up at Hilda.

“You’re taking the initiative. Something’s up, isn’t it?”

“Marianne’s out there.”

Claude’s smile faded. “She is, is she?” He stared down at the map, the faces of the featureless figures on it yet again turning into faces he recognized. He shook his head. “You haven’t seen her since the war began, right?”

“I have to see her. Talk to her. One last time.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, you’re obviously not going to take no for an answer. Just promise me you won’t do anything too rash, okay? Retreat if things get too hot to handle.” He turned towards her but she was already gone.

When the battle began, Hilda could see her. Among the soldiers, next to Emperor Edelgard in her crimson armor and the professor with her bright green hair, there was Marianne. That light blue hair, so soft to the touch…Hilda gripped the hilt of her axe tightly as she charged forward.

It wasn’t long before Hilda locked eyes with her, the sea of soldiers parting as if their meeting had been preordained. Edelgard, Byleth, Claude, they were all elsewhere. Marianne and Hilda looked at each other for the first time in five years.

“I...” Marianne started, noticing the bloodstained axe in Hilda’s hand. How many people had she cut down already? “I’m so sorry, Hilda. I…”

“It’s OK, Marianne,” Hilda smiled, approaching her. “These things happen in war.”

As Hilda got closer, she noticed that the bags under Marianne’s eyes were gone. That’s good, she was sleeping well now. Her hair was up in a new braid. It looked so pretty. She didn’t recoil or look fearful as Hilda took step after deliberate step towards her. She looked confident. She looked happy. That was enough.

“I’m glad I got to see your smile again,” Hilda said. “It’s even more beautiful now.”

Tears were coming to Marianne’s eyes. “Hilda, please. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Hilda was already crying. “You’re going to have to.” She lifted up her axe as if she was going to charge, her grip loosening a little. “These things happen in war.”

She took one step forward, the axe already slipping out of her hands, but it was enough to incite an attack. In a moment, everything turned white, and the pain in her heart was gone. Marianne was happy. That was enough.

-

Hilda Valentine Goneril died in battle on the 31st day of the Guardian Moon in the year 1185. At her request, her grave was adorned with lilies of the valley.

**Author's Note:**

> \- This fic pulls very heavily from Marianne's A support with Byleth, in which it's revealed that Marianne's frequent prayers to the Goddess as a student were pleas for the Goddess to "take [her]."  
\- Marianne has Depression.  
\- Do you think we're ever going to find out more about that professor that just...ditched?  
\- Sometimes in Fire Emblem a character's C supports will feel pretty cookie-cutter, but Marianne actually has a lot of unique ones, even if some pairs of them share some themes.  
\- Marianne has Executive Dysfunction.  
\- You're telling me Edelgard's personal axe literally has the Crest of the Beast on it, and she can't support with Marianne?  
\- Okay, but Edelgard is the type to send someone a treatise on why God Isn't Real and then immediately block them.  
\- Hilda and Claude are Chaotic Bisexual.  
\- Each character has a unique line that is said during the Explore section that immediately follows Edelgard's route split. Marianne's is: "Imagine making half the world your enemy for the sake of realizing your own ideals... Edelgard is so radiant and strong compared to someone like me... What if I have the power to change the world too? Even just a little bit..." (https://fireemblem.fandom.com/wiki/Outset_of_a_Power_Struggle/Script#Explore)  
\- Hilda is encountered as an enemy in Chapter 14 of Edelgard's route. Claude is the boss of that chapter, and Lysithea also appears as an enemy, although she is recruitable should you spare her. Hilda is not recruitable.  
\- The first two lines of Marianne and Hilda's exchange upon meeting on the battlefield is pulled directly from the game.  
\- Hilda's death date is accurate. The lilies of the valley that adorn her grave are Marianne's favorite flower.  
\- BONUS FUN FACT: Did you know that "yuri" derives from the Japanese for "lily?"


End file.
